


Insidious is Blind Inception

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Artist Steve Rogers, Based on a Tumblr Post, For being my fav character I really do make Tony suffer a lot, M/M, Model Tony, Modeling, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Tony Angst, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, i just wanted smol Steve and also smol Tony, implied eating disorder, photographer steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 09:20:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15336753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: Tony tilts his head a little to the side, making an irritated noise as he does so. Heswearshe’s somehow managed to gain weight over the weekend and he barely ate anything that’s out of his normal diet regimen.He considers his reflection more, squinting in an attempt to locate where, exactly, the weight is sitting when the door opens and Happy sticks his head in. “Hey boss, the new photographer is here.”Based offthisprompt.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for an implied eating disorder, self worth issues, and a creepy sexual comment. I think that's all but feel free to point out anything I missed.
> 
> The title is from an NF song called 'Mansion' and I _highly_ recommend it.

Tony tilts his head a little to the side, making an irritated noise as he does so. He _swears_ he’s somehow managed to gain weight over the weekend and he barely ate anything that’s out of his normal diet regimen and the only reason he had was because Rhodey came to visit. He considers his reflection more, squinting in an attempt to locate where, exactly, the weight is sitting. Its there, he knows it is because something is slightly off and- the door opens and Happy sticks his head in. “Hey boss, the new photographer is here.”

He grins, pulling himself away from the mirror to go meet the new guy. Pepper said he’d like him but Tony is always skeptical of new people and he _supposes_ he’s well known for being hard to work with. But numbers show the facts- his image sells so they can all suck it. He makes his way out of his dressing room, his hair and makeup is already done, to sniff out his new partner in crime. Or more accurately the guy he’s sort of hoping to have run screaming towards the door in five minutes flat. His record is three minutes but he’s not sure he can beat that. What he gets instead is an ethereal thing of beauty.

The new photographer looks up from the lens he’s fussing with, noting Tony and smiling just a little. “So you’re Tony Stark. Pictures don’t do you justice,” he says in a voice deeper Tony would have expected.

That isn’t even the most attractive thing about him either. His _face_ \- it’s all sharp features and his pale hair is only a few shades darker than his porcelain skin, and his body is just as angular. _That_ is the body type Tony wants and he swears he can feel the weight on his body in the places the new guy doesn’t have. He must make an unpleasant face because the blonde smiles a little, “what? Something I said?” he asks.

Tony gives him an annoyed look. “Guess we’ll see if you have any skill at all,” he says in a haughty tone, nose in the air.

He learns the new guy’s name is Steve and he takes an immediate dislike to Tony’s attitude not that he came blame the guy. But Tony can’t help his jealousy and this guy looks model perfect fucking _effortlessly_ and Tony has to avoid anything that even _looks_ like it might have a carb in it. And that’s still not enough. He also learns that Steve has more than talent too. Talent is good, so is skill, but Tony finds the two rarely exist in the same person and Steve proves his superiority once again when they go over the pictures he took and Tony raises an eyebrow.

Usually he hates pictures of himself, he’s relentlessly picky, but Steve’s damn good with his camera. “And I thought the camera was supposed to _add_ ten pounds,” he murmurs. He almost feels bad for spending the last three hours harassing Steve considering he looks like he’s the right size in almost all his pictures. There’s a few he doesn’t like but he’d even have to grudgingly admit that even those pictures look nice composition wise even if he doesn’t like himself in them.

Steve frowns at him, looking him up and down, “I don’t think you have ten pounds to add.”

Tony grins, “thanks!”

*

 _Thanks_. The word rattles around in Steve’s head probably longer than it should given that he’s not _really_ a stranger to the impossible standards of fashion. Its not like guys are _lacking_ in having to fulfill those awful standards either, its just that Tony looked to _pleased_ when Steve told him he didn’t look like he had ten pounds to add. God, Tony was _gorgeous_ and naturally photogenic- minus his attitude he’d been a delight to shoot but even that had gone away after he saw the results. Steve had been warned about Tony’s general difficulty but he’s guessing from the surprised faces he got when Tony went over the pictures he didn’t get it as bad as some other photographers might have.

It probably doesn’t help that Tony is hugely popular right now; his face or body is on damn near _everything_. Steve had been fucking _lucky_ to land this gig considering he doesn’t have half the portfolio that most photographers do- downsides of being sick more often than not- but Pepper Potts had found his Instagram page and invited him to an interview. It had been like something out of a fucking movie, especially when he managed to land the job. When Tony actually liked the pictures Pepper told him if he went anywhere she’d offer him literal millions to come back because Tony doesn’t like any pictures of himself and photo shoots with him _never_ wrap up that fast. He maybe negotiated a higher fee- he’s got hospital bills to pay- but he really does have to wonder about Tony’s usual level of difficulty.

More than that though he wonders about his response to Steve’s offhand comment about his weight. It makes him uncomfortable to think that Tony had been _happy_ to be that thin when he’s certain that Tony doesn’t naturally have the build of a twelve year old boy. Steve wonders why he’d even want that but then he’s always been made fun of and insulted for his slight figure but its not his fault that his damn sickly body can’t keep three quarters of food down and the food he _can_ eat isn’t cheap. Between sickness and a lack of affordable food he’s always been rather slim and no one seems to like him much for it. It took a long time to get over that but he found once he was more comfortable with himself people stopped picking out his insecurities. Or maybe he didn’t notice criticism so much; he’s not sure which really.

The next time he works with Tony its like he’s working with a whole new person. “Tilt your head a little to the left, towards the light- right there!” Steve tells him and Tony stops, giving him a coy look that has no business being that attractive and he fucking _prays_ that shows up on camera because that is hot. Not exactly what he’s supposed to be going for here but whatever, don’t people claim sex sells? Granted he’s only seen that used as a defense to sell naked women but whatever, he’s sure Pepper can find a use for this. He moves in a little closer and something about the way he moves must amuse Tony because he laughs a little, eyes crinkling at the sides and Steve snaps a picture of that too because its too cute not to, and _damn_ his eyelashes are beautiful. His best feature, really. Sure Tony has pretty eyes, but it’s his eyelashes that make them particularly unusual.

Steve knows that Tony is probably also wearing mascara but he doubts that matters much with eyelashes as beautiful as Tony’s. He continues giving Tony instructions and he follows them without putting up a fuss. Off to the side Sam is staring at him like he found the Holy Grail or something but Steve focuses on Tony. When the finally finish, taking a little longer than Steve would have liked, Tony is in his space immediately to look at the pictures.

“Oh, I love this one,” Tony says, gesturing to the picture he’s fond of. “How’d you make me look so thin?” he asks.

Steve frowns, looking over his shoulder at Tony, whose eyes are glued to the picture. “That’s just what you look like, Tony.” He’s not sure what Tony is looking at all things considered, especially when he really can’t manage to photograph Tony any thinner unless he were a literal skeleton.

Tony makes a disgruntled noise but points at another picture, “I like this one too,” he says. “My eyes look really nice.”

At that Steve smiles, “that’s your best feature easily. Unless I count your ass,” he accidentally says out loud. He winces because come on, that’s _super_ creepy and way inappropriate but Tony laughs.

“So I’ve been told,” he says, grinning at Steve.

Steve still doesn’t smile back, “that what rude of me, I’m so sorry.” He’s never wanted to be one of those creeps and nice ass or not he’s damn well not going to start being that person now.

Tony frowns, “it was a compliment,” he says.

“It was an unwarranted sexual remark in a workplace- it was inappropriate and I shouldn’t have said it so I’m sorry. You deserve better treatment than that,” he says honestly. Tony’s eye brows draw together a little as he considers Steve, who’s rather ashamed of himself at the moment, before he goes back to looking at the pictures.

*

Tony decides he rather likes Steve and the good news is that Steve likes him back in some kind of manner; he admitted that much already even if he apologized for it for whatever reason. So he spends his time trying to catch Steve’s attention mostly because he’s always liked being the center of attention and he likes the way Steve treats him. But _damn_ is Steve hard to distract, especially with that camera. Still, he sees the way Steve looks at him sometimes and even if the looks don’t last long Tony thrives on it. So when he finds himself at some drab ass work party and Steve’s there he makes it his business to attach himself to Steve’s hip.

Steve seems to look relieved with this at least. “Thank god, I don’t know any of these people and they keep asking how I tamed you like you’re an animal or something. Its _rude_ ,” he says, giving Vankov a dirty look. Well, now there’s a plot twist.

“I mean I am pretty difficult to work with,” he says, admitting it freely because its true and Steve has experience with that firsthand so when he denies it Tony is confused.

“Not really. You’re just picky about what you like, I don’t think that’s unusual,” he says in Tony’s defense.

“Pretty sure I’m more picky than most,” he says. Like probably a lot pickier and he knows he’s rude about it too.

Steve shrugs, “means I have to work harder to take good pictures, that’s not a bad thing. And frankly its difficult to take a bad picture of you, not with a face that photogenic,” he says, looking over Tony’s features. He smiles, pleased with the attention.

“Well, it helps that you’re actually competent with that camera,” Tony says. Half the time he comes out looking like a fucking Picasso painting or an ink blot or some shit but Steve makes him look striking in almost every picture. Even Pepper has a hard time choosing and usually she’s pickier than him.

His comment earns a bit of a blush from Steve, who ducks his head a little. “Thanks. Truthfully I didn’t have a whole lot of experience before all this,” he says and Tony’s eyebrows shoot up.

“Seriously? How the fuck is it that _Vankov_ managed to catch a break before you did when you’re the one who actually knows how to use a fucking camera?” He honestly does not think its that hard- actually he _knows_ its not because he’s _built_ the cameras Pepper uses. Just point and shoot the fucking things when the subject looks right, how hard is that?

Steve shrugs, “he probably has a rich uncle or something,” he says and Tony laughs.

“Famous photographer father, actually. Shame- success should depend on actual competency, not who you know.” Granted he knows at least some of his success is because his father had been a rather well known photographer, he built his own cameras too, but Tony had no interest in being _behind_ the camera. Though he has plenty of interest in making them, among other things. Still, he had an easier time breaking into a difficult industry due to who he knows but he likes to think that he has enough talent that he could have made it on his own.

“Yeah, well, people suck,” Steve says aptly.

*

If Steve had been told six months ago that he’d have world famous model Tony Stark all but crawling in his lap he would have laughed because literally where the fuck could a person even come up with such a weird scenario? Yet here he is with Tony sitting far too close for comfort, or what would be too close for comfort if Steve didn’t want him there and he probably _shouldn’t_ want him there after that creepy comment he made to Tony early on but he’s only human damnit. Tony is attractive, _really_ attractive and Steve currently has his full attention.

Tony’s hand sits warmly on his thigh especially as Tony leans in a little; obviously aware of the affect he has on Steve. “So what got you into photography anyways?”

“I um, I had a really photogenic cat,” he says without thinking. Tony grins, eyes lighting up in obvious delight.

“You like cats?” he asks.

“I’m a dog person but the cat was starving, I couldn’t _leave_ it outside it was really cute,” he says in his defense. His mom hadn’t been too happy but she couldn’t force it back out into the world to starve and die either so that’s how he got a cat as a child. And Bucky had a camera so he took a lot of pictures of the cat. Turned out he was good at it and most other jobs irritate his asthma or some other health issue so he has and taking pictures didn’t unless he was outside during allergy season. He knew he’d end up being a starving something anyways so he figured he might as well make it a starving artist.

Tony is clearly endeared by the story, “that’s so cute, being inspired by your cat. What inspires you now?” he asks, tilting his head a little, giving Steve this… _look_ that was way too seductive for his health. Literally, he may have an actual asthma attack.

“The beauty of my subjects, usually,” he says. Unless the point of the picture is political, then its more the ugliness of the situation but that’s not something he’s going to bring up with Tony making himself at home in Steve’s personal bubble.

It’s obviously what Tony wants to hear because he leans in a little, almost close enough to kiss, when some asshole ruins it. “Oh look, Stark’s gunna give us a show,” he says and Steve gives him a dirty look, casting a quick glance around until he finds what he’s looking for.

“Fuck off,” he snaps, throwing a mini corn dog at his current annoyance. The guy backs off out of sheer surprise at the tone of Steve’s voice and Tony busts out laughing.

“Did you just throw a mini corn dog at someone to defend my honor?” he asks, delighted.

“It’s a little ironic coming from me but yeah, what the fuck?” he asks, shaking his head.

Tony frowns, “‘ironic coming from you’?” he asks.

“If you don’t remember there was that one time I made that comment about um, a certain body part of yours. Doesn’t exactly put me in a position to judge but also that was rude,” he points out.

“Yeah, but you apologized immediately, no one else has done that. And you go out of your way to be frustratingly professional now, it annoys me. I _do_ have a nice ass and I want you to look at it,” Tony says, getting this adorable look of frustration on his face.

But that doesn’t really distract Steve from the bigger problem here. “It concerns me that you decided to interpret a creepy comment as a reason to pursue someone sexually. I think you should… not do that,” he says.

Tony tilts his head to the side, “are you saying you don’t have an interest? Because I know you do.”

Hell fucking yeah he does, his eyeballs are working and he’s aggressively bisexual but _still_. “Sure I am, but I still worry about you.”

“You should probably know _that’s_ why I chose you, by the way. Other people don’t tell me I deserve better but you did. Means you’re different,” Tony says, voice dipping a little quieter at the end and that just breaks Steve’s heart.

“You do. You deserve someone that makes you feel as special as you are,” he murmurs.

*

Tony remains curled into Steve’s side because he likes it there. Steve is warm and his arm curled around Tony’s waist feels comfortable and safe. He runs his hand down Steve’s torso, admiring the narrow shape and the way his hip bones stick out when Steve wakes, wiggling around. “Stop that, I’m ticklish. I should warn you that the last time someone tested my tickling limits I kicked them pretty hard by accident and felt really bad about it,” Steve says, making Tony laugh.

He’s basically immune to tickling so he’s never had that experience. “Sorry,” he says, settling back into Steve. “How’d you get your body to look like that?” he asks, looking across Steve’s narrow shape.

Steve shifts, propping himself up on his elbow. “I… I’m _sick_ Tony; I have like a dozen health issues that make me look like this. Most of them revolve around my inability to eat ninety percent of food,” he says and Tony is instantly jealous. That would make his life _so_ much easier if the foods he liked just made him sick. That would be a good deterrent. Steve frowns though, “do you… what to look like this?” he asks, gesturing to his body. Tony doesn’t answer that because Steve’s tone already indicates what he thinks of that and he doesn’t want to be judged. “Tony, stop giving me that defiant look. You need to understand that the body shape you want is of a sick person. Do you want me to be sick?” he asks.

“Of course not!” Tony says fast. What kind of fucked up person would _want_ another person to be sick? Okay, actually he wouldn’t mind if Vankov caught a nasty flu bug but still, seems like Steve’s issues are more serious than that and obviously he doesn’t want him to be sick.

“Than why do you want _you_ to be sick? Because that’s the only way you’ll ever look the way I do,” he points out.

It’s not what he wants to hear and Tony clamps his jaw shut, done with this discussion. He turns over and curls into himself, pissed that he can’t even achieve an attractive body shape without a fucking health problem. He feels Steve’s arm curl around his waist as he leans into Tony’s back, pressing his face between his shoulder blades. “You’re gorgeous, you know that?” Steve murmurs. “You don’t need to change the way you look.”

Tony lets out a small huff, “you’re just saying that,” he mumbles.

Steve laughs, “I’m not the lying type. And I’m also not really known for taking people home from parties. I took you home because you’re stunning and I’d be a total dumbass for capitalizing on your interest.”

He turns a little and Steve lifts his head, perching it on Tony’s arm. “You actually think that,” he says and Steve smiles a little. “Yeah, I do. You’re probably one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met. Sometimes I get frustrated because I can never quite capture your beauty on camera the way it exists in real life,” he murmurs and Tony can hear the truth to his words.

“Thanks,” he says softly, not entirely sure he believes Steve honesty be damned.


	2. Chapter 2

It doesn’t take Steve long to figure out Tony has way more issues than he lets on, most of them revolving around food. Steve’s diet is restrictive to say the least, and trying to work in foods that are more than just fluff is difficult. His inability to eat most foods makes nutrition needlessly irritating for him but Tony doesn’t seem to mind the restrictive diet at all and even then he barely eats. Most of what he does is pushing food around on his plate and when Steve tries to point it out he’s distracted somehow. Tony is probably too good at distractions.

Still, it worries Steve that Tony doesn’t seem to eat much, and sometimes he’ll find fast food bags stuffed into the trash and Tony will spend hours in the bathroom. Steve isn’t a fucking moron; try as Tony might he’s about as subtle as a stingray on a coffee table. But he doesn’t know how to talk to him without him running either. Tony doesn’t like listening to what he doesn’t want to hear even if it’s what’s best for him and its left Steve in kind of a bind.

“What’s got you thinking so hard?” Bucky asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Tony mostly. But also that weird theory you told me about where vaccines steal souls,” he says. As far as unusual habits go Bucky’s entire life kind of falls into ‘weird stuff’ but his thing with conspiracies is just… Steve doesn’t know how to handle it most of the time. Bucky called him up at three am on a rant about crystal children once and it was… well, it was an experience.

Bucky snickers, “that’s one of my new favorites,” he says. “But what’s this about Tony anyways, I keep hearing about him but I haven’t met him yet.” He gives Steve a _look_ , one that lets him know a meeting between them is overdue and it _is_ but Bucky has spent years going on and on about how attractive Tony is and he doesn’t want to tell Bucky that Tony is his Tony. It’s a common enough name that he can get away with pretending Tony is not Tony Stark. Though he’s pleased that Bucky hasn’t put ‘model’ and ‘Tony’ together yet even if he probably should have by now.

When he does though he’ll have to deal with that any maybe he has a lingering insecurity or two from a time when Bucky was the more attractive option than him. Tony could have anyone he wants and he’s already settling, Steve probably wouldn’t blame him for choosing Bucky but also he’s selfish ok, he likes that Tony has settled with him. He’s also lucky that Bucky’s weird habit of looking up conspiracy theories has preemptively shot him in the foot given that he knows Tony thinks conspiracy theories are dumb. Still though, Steve keeps them separate for a reason at least for now.

“Well,” he says, getting back to the topic at hand at least out loud, “he uh… has a lot of issues. And I don’t really know how to bring them up without him freaking out about it. He’s not very good with criticism.” Steve suspects something is behind that, not taking criticism well, but Tony doesn’t really talk much about his feelings. Trying to get him to admit to anything he doesn’t outright decide to share is like trying to bathe a cat. It doesn’t go well and sometimes wounds happen.

Bucky goes from curious to suspicious in two seconds flat and Steve realizes how his words may have come across. “Not like that, Bucky. I’m certain he has an eating disorder of some kind and I don’t know how to tell him he needs help without him running away.” Steve’s worried Tony has something of an addiction to his self-destructive tendencies and that’s a whole other set of problems. As it is when Steve gets too close Tony pulls away, skittish in the face of true intimacy.

“An eating disorder?” he asks, eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

Steve sighs, “yeah, guys can have those too you know. But I don’t know how to bring it up without being an ass.” He wants Tony to know that his diet isn’t healthy and that he’s supportive, just not of his unhealthy lifestyle. Frankly it floors him that someone would squander health like that anyways. What’s that old saying, that health is a crown only the sick can see? That fits here. ‘I’m jealous of your ability to be a healthy human being and a little pissed that you’re abusing it’ isn’t helpful to Tony though.

*

Tony knows Steve notices but he’s grateful Steve never seems to say anything about the way he mostly pushes his food around on his plate. Of course that has to come to a crashing halt when Steve spends most of dinner tapping his foot and staring at Tony’s not very empty plate. “You need to eat, Tony,” he finally says and Tony clenches his jaw, a familiar reaction to this sort of confrontation.

“I ate this morning,” he lies. He looked at one of those gluten free muffins for a good two hours but he didn’t eat one.

Steve sighs, “Tony, I counted your calories for most of last week and I shit you not you ate less than a _baby_ most days. The way you restrict your diet is literally used as a military torture technique because it isn’t sustainable. I love you Tony, and I don’t want to watch you continue to do this to yourself,” he says, shifting forward a little in a meaningful way.

He frowns, “what?” he asks, Steve’s admission of love sticking in his head. Was that for real or one of those moments when people say stuff they don’t really mean?

Steve frowns back, “what do you mean ‘what’?”

“You… said you love me,” Tony says softly, not wanting to say it out loud in case Steve just sort of said that.

Steve’s features soften a little and he stands up, rounding the table and he stands in front of Tony. “Yeah, I love you. I think you’re smart, and compassionate, and that you’re a hard worker, and I like your sense of humor. That’s why its painful to watch you hurt yourself this way Tony, you deserve better than that, even if it means that I have to expect _you_ to treat you better,” he murmurs softly.

Not a single mention of his looks. Usually Tony likes when people admire his beauty, he knows he’s rather striking, but he hadn’t realized he wanted to be seen as more than that until right now. He leans forward, pressing his face into Steve’s stomach and Steve runs his fingers through his hair.

*

In the end Steve has to trick Tony into treatment like a dog going to the vet because he keeps backing out at the last minute. Ultimately he could just walk away but he doesn’t and Steve makes sure to tell him that he’s proud and happy that he doesn’t. He has no idea if it sinks in for Tony but he hopes it does.

*

Its difficult to be away from Tony, especially since the first bit of treatment requires no contact, but Steve manages. Tony had been worried Steve would run off with someone new and he _really_ hadn’t appreciated when Steve started laughing so hard he almost had an asthma attack. He’d been pretty flattered when Tony refused to believe that people were hardly knocking beating down his door for attention though. It’s selfish but he likes the idea that someone as all-around attractive as Tony could even think they’re in the same league of person.

Still, the weeks pass slower than he’d like even with photography to keep him busy. Thanks to his pictures of Tony he’s now something of a hot commodity even if Pepper does her best to keep him close. When he does finally, _finally_ , get to see Tony again he’s stunned. Tony shifts a little uncomfortably as Steve blinks, a little unable to process what his eyes are telling him.

“Uh, hey?” Tony asks more than states, wincing a little.

Steve shakes his head, pulling himself back to reality. “Uh, hey, yeah- you okay? You look a little uncomfortable,” he says finally.

Tony shifts again, crossing his arms over his body and looking away. “I know I’ve gained a little weight-” he starts but Steve cuts him off.

“ _Oh_ , that’s what you- Tony you look great. Like really great, I didn’t even know it was possible for you to look more attractive than you had when you went in here but apparently five pounds _really_ agrees with you. Like really agrees.” It’s like looking at an angel. Except in this nutty universe the angel is actually interested in his opinion.

Tony brightens a little, “oh. Really?” he asks softly and Steve nods.

“Yeah. You look…” healthy, he wants to say, but he thinks that might come across badly. “Amazing,” he says instead. Not like it isn’t true, with the little bit of weight gain his face looks less gaunt and Steve can see that his figure is a little bit fuller. He could probably stand to gain more weight but he doesn’t say that either. Tony will recover in his own time.

“Thanks. Apparently I’m very stubborn though,” he says and Steve snorts.

“Yeah, sounds like you,” he says. “So how are you really?” he asks, linking his fingers through Tony’s. They walk for awhile and talk, mostly about Tony’s lifelong struggle with pretty much everything. He had no idea that Tony’s father was abusive, nor did he have any idea that Tony has a lot of control issues, which both manifested in a need for perfection and that presented in a strict micromanaging his diet in order to achieve some kind of physical perfection specifically. Its hard for Steve to believe that Tony has no idea that he’d be attractive at pretty much any size though he’d prefer the healthy size, whatever that looks like on Tony.

Tony also spends a lot of time complaining about his therapist but Steve can hear the grudging respect he has for Peggy even if he really dislikes that, when it comes down to it, she calls him on his bullshit. Steve rather thinks Peggy is good for Tony even if he dislikes hearing what she has to say because its too close to the truth.

“How come I’ve never met your friends? I mean you said you loved me, but I’ve never actually met anyone in your life. That’s kind of weird,” Tony says.

Steve suspects that’s been bothering him for more than he’d ever be willing to let on and Steve sighs. “I…” he looks over at Tony, who’s frowning back at him and now he feels like a real asshole. “My best friend has been lusting after you for years and when we were kids people paid a lot more attention to him than me and I guess I have some residual worry that you’ll do that too because frankly he’s a lot more attractive than me and-” Tony starts laughing, cutting him off.

“Your _jealous_ of your best friend? That’s why I’ve never met him?” Tony asks and Steve shrugs a little.

“Yeah, basically,” he mumbles, not too proud to admit that.

Tony circles an arm around his waist, “I don’t care how hot your friend is, he’s not you.”

*

When Tony comes home Steve arranges a dinner date with Bucky mostly so Tony doesn’t get any lingering worries about Steve keeping him some kind of secret or something. He thinks it might be helpful to Tony’s recovery if he can eliminate any worries he can. It goes about as well as Steve expected it would, meaning that Tony tunes out about three seconds into Conspiracy Theory One and, after forty five minutes of Roswell, Tony turns to him.

“How the _fuck_ did you think I’d be attracted to this guy? He just wasted almost an hour of my life talking about _Roswell_ ,” Tony says, looking properly annoyed about this.

Bucky, who never realizes how long he talks about anything, looks horrified as he checks his phone. “I wish the earth were really hollow so I could crawl into it and die,” he whispers, staring at the remaining food on his plate.

Steve sits back, pleased his carefully laid plan panned out exactly how he wanted it. “Did you do this on purpose?” Tony asks, frowning.

He gets an immediately offended look from Bucky. “How could you do this to me?” he asks, looking rather upset.

“Well, when you’re the less attractive one you gotta make the more attractive one look a fool and thankfully you have odd interests,” Steve says. “Also he’s really not that bad,” he adds to Tony. He doesn’t look at all convinced of this.

“I can’t believe you invited me to dinner so I’d make a fool out of myself,” Bucky mumbles at him.

“One time you fed me cotton candy and I had the shits for a week _and_ I had a nasty migraine from it all because you were mad that I lost one of your Pikachu gloves,” he says. Not Bucky’s finest moment and he felt horrible for it afterwards, not having realized it would affect Steve _that_ badly but still. “Besides, he was bound to hear you go on about how the moon isn’t real eventually, I figured I’d get the weird out of the way,” he says primly.

Tony stands, “I’m sorry I can’t sit in the presence of people who don’t believe in the moon,” he says, walking off and, to Steve’s surprise, he takes his food with him. Not that there’s a whole lot left on the plate but it still makes him happy that Tony is making an effort to eat everything on the plate.

“I believe in the moon I just read about people who don’t believe in the moon!” Bucky calls after him, distressed. Bucky waits a few moments before he turns back to Steve, “I hate you,” he hisses.

*

Tony doesn’t think he’ll go back to modeling, it probably isn’t all that good for him considering the entire job is having your body judged, but he figured he’d at least tell Pepper that in person. Steve has dragged his irritating best friend along and sure, he’s a pretty face, but there’s nothing behind that forehead. How the hell Steve had been jealous of him Tony has no fucking clue, but Sam takes an immediate hatred to the guy.

“Well,” Pepper says, drawing his attention away from Sam being an ass to Bucky and, from the look on Sam’s face, Bucky is dishing it right back. “That’s disappointing but I get it. You look good,” she notes. But not model good, which he’s learned to accept is unhealthy even if he still has a hard time believing that.

“Thanks. But uh, you might want to go rescue Sam,” he says, gesturing to Bucky and Sam duking it out.

“I already tried to rescue Sam _and_ Bucky but they both refused. I think they’re engaging in some strange form of foreplay,” Steve says, appearing by his side and slipping an arm around his waist. Sometimes touch makes Tony uncomfortable, he’s still not entirely okay with his new weight, but Steve doesn’t seem to care. Actually he seems to prefer Tony this way and that’s… strange to him.

“Get a room!” Natasha calls across to Bucky and Sam, who both turn to give her a dirty look in sync.

*

Steve lays with Tony, tangled in his body parts and the sheets in a strangely comfortable fashion. “You know,” he murmurs, “your self worth shouldn’t hinge on how attractive I find you.”

Tony shifts a little, jostling Steve. “What?”

He sighs, pulling his head of Tony’s thankfully considerably less bony shoulder. “I know you’re worried about your weight, if I’ll still find you attractive or whatever. First off, I don’t care what size you are, I care _who_ you are. And that’s why your self worth shouldn’t hinge on how attractive people find you- our opinions are all subjective and at the end of the day none of them even matter when your face says nothing about your actual personality.”

“No one fucks your personality,” Tony mumbles.

Steve makes an annoyed face. “Ok, well first of all your worth still isn’t who wants to fuck you. And also your statement isn’t true anyways- we’ve all had moments were we’re like ‘wow, that person is hot’ and then they speak and you’re like ‘wow, that’s a some pretty wrapping but a turd is a turd.’” Its happened to him an unfortunate number of times, like the first time he met Tony and spent three hours wanting to throw him in the ocean until he finally dropped his attitude. Now he kind of feels bad for thinking Tony’s persona was the actual wrapping instead of the smart, funny guy underneath all that.

Tony lets out a long sigh and Steve grins, “guess this happened to you recently?” he asks.

Tony lets out a small grumble and gives Steve a dirty look. “I saw Bucky and was like ‘hmm, he’s cute, I guess I could see why Steve was jealous’. Then he went on a fucking long rant about _aliens_ and I thought ‘wow, a tin foil hat would go great with that shitty ass prosthetic arm’. I’m mad that you’re right,” he mumbles.

“Hey, don’t be rude, he can’t help his lack of arm,” Steve says in Bucky’s defense.

“Can he help where he gets the replacement arm? Because I think anyone who uses Hammer tech is a goblin,” Tony says so seriously that Steve starts laughing. “What? Hammer and his pathetic and frankly _offensive_ attempts at engineering and inventing are offensive to science and machines. Stop laughing Steve, this is serious!”

*

“Oh my god this arm is proof that god exists,” Bucky says, waving around the shiny new metal arm he has thanks to Tony, who now looks offended.

“Excuse me, fuck god, _I_ made that thing! I deserve the credit, not the magical sky fairy!”

“Hey!” Steve says, offended that his god has been insulted.

Tony looks unapologetic, “sorry, he doesn’t exist, it’s a fact,” Tony says and Steve lets it go because if he doesn’t there will be big words he doesn’t understand and Tony claiming that this means he’s right.

“Well if other stuff you make is as good as this I’m sure your business will do well,” Bucky says, grinning at the way his fingers move. And his wrist moves like a biological one too. Its actually really cool.

Sam eyes the arm from across the room, “I have plans for that,” he says and Steve wrinkles his nose because he does not need that information.

“Let me know how it goes. Logistics-wise, not- Jesus Christ people, get your minds out of the gutter!” Tony tells them when they give him a _look_.

“Yeah, if I break it I’ll let you know,” Sam tells him, laughing when both Tony and Steve make faces.

“We have to hear about your sex life and the media keeps reporting on it so we can’t even escape it when we _aren’t_ in your company,” Bucky points out. Yeah alright, so Tony is a little randy and a lot bold and Steve can maybe be talked into things a little too easy but still. Steve thinks the media has better shit to report on Tony, like his starting a tech company with a focus on green energy or maybe the fact that apparently no one even fucking knows the man has seven PhDs all because he’s a _model_. Or was one, he decided not to go back to the job and Steve had been happy for it. Regardless though every stupid media outlet talks about Tony’s fucking sex life instead of literally anything else about him.

Tony slips an arm around Steve’s waist, “well, we’re just a sexier pairing. Sorry,” he says rather unapologetically. Steve shakes his head- so Tony.

**Author's Note:**

> [My writing Tumblr](https://tenspencerriedplease.tumblr.com/)


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